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GM Monkeys is an amateur football team based in the Greater Manchester region of England. The group of players is loose gathering of people who have met via the British Born Chinese website, but has broadened to include people who are not members of the discussion board.

Home >> Results & Fixtures >> Sunday 28th January 2007

Sunday 28th January 2007 (GM Monkeys 0 v Evolution 8)

It was Charles Darwin who postulated that the difference between Man and Ape was evolution, and so it proved to be when Team GM Monkeys took centre-stage against Team Evolution on Sunday 28th Jan.

It was hoped that this long-awaited match would provide a spectacle of sorts, as GM Monkeys hoped to over-turn the natural order of things, having previously produced a solid- win over Argentina.

Sadly, it was not to be. Despite the valiant efforts of Monkeys, Evolution showed their potency by producing a hat-trick of goals before the first half, and a handful of goals in the second to secure an emphatic victory over a somewhat listless Monkeys.

The first half started sprightly enough, with both teams playing attacking football in a conspicuous display of effort to gain the advantage. Once again the Manchester weather proved to be temperamental mistress, possibly due to the after-effects of the devastating gales previously, and both teams found themselves playing into a strong side wind.

Such perilous conditions meant that the Laws of Physics seemed to be temporarily suspended for a number crosses and throw ins, with ball movement being more skewed than a Beckham free-kick taken with a boomerang-shaped ball.

Monkeys conceded the first goal, when their keeper (C. Chan) came out to intercept a cross, failing to smother the ball in time and giving Evolution a wide-open target. Oh well. The second goal was crafted with greater élan from Evolution. Their attacker managed to latch onto a loose ball and charged goal-wards. Monkey’s keeper rushed off his line to narrow the angle, but a deft chip from Evo’s attacker to lift the ball over the keeper and produce an excellent goal was only denied by a last gasp effort from Monkey’s defender (R.Gall), who was able to head the oncoming ball only as far as the underside of Monkey’s crossbar. The resulting re-bound, and lack of an ensuing goal-mouth melee allowed Evo to calmly slot in a second.

It was soon apparent that the cheeky GM Monkeys had not been eating their nutritious bananas, and Evo were able to capitalise on this by getting a third goal before the first half was over.

A number of tactical substitutions followed for the second half but to little avail for our hapless Lancastrian Simians, as Evo scored early on in the second half due to some hesitant defending along the left wing. 4-0 to Evolution.

Monkeys are known for their natural prowess in hanging around the impenetrable areas of trees, and so Monkey’s lone striker (D. Butterworth) had the thankless task of being based in the oppositions fortified half, with the unenviable and somewhat implausible requirement of scoring a goal or three. Butterworth is known for his pace and ability to strike the ball sweetly, but given Evo’s tight man marking, Butterworth was forced into appearing as a fringe player for the majority of the time.

Monkeys are also known for their propensity at baring their red-bottoms, with aplomb, to zoo visitors. Sadly, the GM Monkeys failed to oblige on this occasion, a pity really since it would have brought some much needed light-relief to the spectators.

Evolution were rampant in the second half, and dominance was gifted to them by GM Monkeys, who seemed to struggle to get the ball out of their area for large swathes of the second half. The final score of 8-0 flatters Evolution somewhat, given that Evolution are a decent, if superficially unexceptional, side. The large winning margin came not from their outstanding gameplay, physical dominance or the sheer individual brilliance of particular players.

Rather, and much to their credit, Evolution played with discipline, composure and most crucially, a sense of coherence. Given that Evolution were formed from two disparate teams who have never played together before, they dispatched themselves with a performance worthy of praise, even by those who generally prefer to side with the under-dogs….I mean, under-monkeys.

As for GM Monkeys, it would be un-necessarily harsh to say that they should re-name themselves the “GM Flunkies”, for they possess a nucleus of skilful, talented and committed players capable of upsetting the best opposition.
GM Monkeys need to think about some of their tactical positioning, improve on their coherence as team and not be too disheartened from this result.

And no more monkey jokes.

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